Thursday, Thursday, Thursday! Unfortunately, these games went true to form. I'm for the firing of Jim Schwartz for costing the Lions that win. No coach should be that directly linked to his team's loss. Maybe there's insurance money in an 8 wins or less season for Schwartz. That hurt Detroit worse than if Obama were to outlaw cars.
Editor's Note to the Cowboys and the Jets:
Please stop. There is nothing good going to come of the rest of this season for either of you. It's time to pull the plug. Look, I understand there's belief and even animism necessary to suspend all logic that you have a problem. Tell me, how does it make you feel to have fallen so far from relevance? Yeah, I know. But it's time to move on. Say it with me, 'I take responsibility for the fact that I'm a loser and I am willing to stop doing the same thing and expecting different results.' Now, take a deep cleansing breath...now do the right thing and take the season off of life support.Now that that's over let's talk some football!
Pitt v Cle cracks open football Sunday. With all these crazy uniforms the Steelers have been wearing this year, I want them to come out rocking some 'Back to the Future' style PF Flyers, because it looks like 2003 up in this joint! Plaxico and Charlie Batch? What's next? Is the ghost of coach Cowher's chin going to come back and scowel at players? The Steelers may be hurt, but Cleveland doesn't know how to win. Somewhere, Wiz Khalifa is waving a towel looking like a black hippie singing, "Black and Yellow"! Steelers!
*UPSET ALERT* Flash the lights and sound the sirens! After snatching victory from the jaws of defeat for a couple of weeks in a row, Atlanta heads south to face a hot team in the swamp that they call Tampa Bay. My man Baby Hair's been slinging it, like a broken collar bone, for the Bay leading to some gutsy and solid wins. Matty Ice, on the other hand, has well...looked like fish filet on a plate of stake and lobster. Tampa's boys won't let him get away with those lapses in execution so easy. Buccaneers!
In the Cincy v Oakland game we get the original Red Rifle model facing the new and improved Red Rifle. Let's be real, no one could/should blame Palmer for holding out last year. What would you do if your wife was a paranoid delusional that held a knife to your neck while you slept? You'd leave! Anyway, his (old) team is still just as hard to figure out while his new team is just as much of a circus. Where did he gain? "Um, I'll take the black and silver crazy for the black and orange crazy please." WHAT!? I'm going with the new model. Bengals!
Will someone please get a wrench, some plumber's tape and a fix this leaky Chicago line? They're going to get someone hurt! Wait, they did? Cutler you say? Oh. They're going to get someone hurt we care about! Anyway, did you know that Adrian All Day Petersen is leading the league in rushing with 1,128 yards? Wasn't it just 10 months ago he was laying on the turf clutching his knee looking like a zygote in cleats? I'm looking at him like Drago looked at Rocky, "he's not a man, he's like steel." I heard he has cyborg in his family - a couple generations back, but he looks like his great granddaddy. Vikes!
This next game is a tough one to call. But, that's why they pay me nothing. I can mislead you for free! I think this come down to the running game. Miami's lost it, and Marshawn the Beast Lynch is living up to his moniker. However, Seattle wins on the road like the Navy wins the ground battles. I'm hoping Tannehill can protect the ball at home and Miami figures out how to run block again. Dolphins!
After being shot out of the sky like a Dick Cheney quail, the dream season for Luck is back on track! Why? They're finally playing a team with a losing record again. What a recipe for success? A dash of salt, a pinch of cumen, and some horrible teams! Jokes aside, Buffalo looked pretty decent last week but I'm still skeptical. If Ryan Fitzpatrick doesn't throw the ball, they'll be fine. But I think the Colts offense puts them in a situation where they need to throw; the wheels will then come off. Colts!
KC is playing Denver. We know who's gonna win, but not helping is one Where For Art Thou. He said, and I quote, "That's what I told them (the team), we have to be perfect because that's the only way we have a chance." Well thanks for the confidence coach! I'm ready to go run through a brick wall for you! Seriously! SERIOUSLY!!? This is why his teams are like 3 - 1 trillion. Somebody get a huge parachute so Crennel doesn't bust his fat ass when he's pushed out of the plane. Broncos!
Somewhere, the spirit of the AFC South is crying. Jacksonville welcomes Tenny into their town, and I can only hope Chris Johnson goes off like guns in a drug turf war. Titans!
While Baltimore doesn't play well on the road, San Diego's about as hot as Ice Cube's afro in one of those Coors Lite commercials. That' didn't matter last year, though, when they drubbed them and their chances at locking up the AFC. I'm not still bitter. This ain't last year, though. Fighting for the last of Chicago's plumber's tape is San Diego's offensive line. I just hope Rivers doesn't get hurt when Suggs jumps on him like he's a trampoline. Ravens!
San Fran goes to face NO down in the dirty. The amazing thing, is that NO went from a bounty gate side show joke to legitimately relevant. Meanwhile, Harbaugh is creating a sideshow with his QB starting situation. I'm not buying it. He'll do what he's done all season. Alex Smith is the starter and Kaepernick will come in for plays and/or series at times. What worries me, is will Alex Smith feel the tug of that short leash and make mistakes? Or, will he step up and bust the thread of that leash? It shouldn't matter too much, as NO's D is abysmal. I think San Francisco goes down there and hangs half a G worth of yards on these cats. Niners!
In the Papa John's Free Pizza Disappointment Bowl, we have STL v AZ. Since these teams played each other six weeks ago, they've both gone 0-fer. I don't even know what you call that. My elocution fails me at the enormity of that irony. Sad to say, AZ is starting a rook and I can't imagine STL is going to give it up to a rookie. But, that run D is about the only thing AZ can hang is sloppy, torn, frayed hat. This will be a close and ugly one, but Rams!
Manning coming off of a bye is like money in the bank. Shawty what ya' drank! Sorry I just had a lil Scrappy moment, there. But I digress. I'm so excited for this showcase game, because Rodgers, when not on his ass, is tossing the pill like Crestor commercials. Which NYG team will show up? Will it be the team that reeled off four straight, or will they look like the team that lost the last two? I'm guessing they come back with venom and malice!!! They sack Rodgers in to two interceptions that Manning takes advantage of for a three point Double U. Giants!
In the Microsoft I Used to be Exciting Bowl, we have Caro v Philly. All eyes will be on two of the least interesting teams in the league, on the field. The side show and after game antics could bring us some fireworks, though! Ooooh, I can't wait to see Cam roll his eyes; Philly fans holding up hilarious signs like, "Reid the signs and quit"; or something like that. I actually want to see the train completely derail in Philly, at this point. What better way for that to happen than on Monday night in front of the world! Panthers!
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