Contrition aside, let's get to some games!
Thursday
Michael Vick'n 'em came out and stunk up the joint like it's the end of the day near the restaurants on Sansom Street. More importantly, this puts doubt on all of the Chip Kelly will make Michael Vick the feared player we always thought he'd be, talk. Meanwhile, KC has something brewing and I think it's an offense that can keep that vaunted Pro Bowl laden defense off the field enough to be effective. We shall see!
If You Don't Know Me By Now...
...then you probably think Tampa Bay is as as bad as they're last minute salmon bone chokes suggest. You might even be thinking that Patriots have it all figured out - that is if you' re the uninitiated. Tampa is close to putting it together and New England's winning off muscle memory. So, here comes an *UPSET ALERT*!!! - Buc's!!!
...then you'll never know them Cowboys or the Rams. Okay, let's just look at this excerpt, from ESPN, on the Cowboys day.
"Playing with sore ribs suffered in Week 1, Tony Romo went 30 of 42 for 298 yards and a two-yard TD pass to Dez Bryant, who caught nine passes for 141 yards. Romo also lost one of Dallas' two fumbles and the defense failed to register a takeaway after forcing six turnovers against New York."If that isn't every and any game the 'boys have played then what recaps are, I don't know. STL ain't much better since they got rid of Steven All Wheel Drive Jackson. Anyone that lives in a bad weather place knows, once you go all wheel drive you don't go back. So, who wins this war of expected attrition? I honestly don't know but they pay me to pick. I'm going with another shocker and picking STL in DFW. - RAMS!
...then you know I'm bout to lose my mind. The Nameless Franchise looks bad on D and The Sock Whisperer looks shakier than an Indian Wind Catcher in a tornado. Yet, the pundits are calling this too close to call? Regardless of whether Reggie Bush plays or not, this is going to be a Detroit victory and Suh will be fined and likely suspended a game for bringing a billy club to the knee of RGIII; he'll miss and everyone will be fine except it will hurt the Lions the rest of the year. - Lions!
Show Ya' Love...
...for Sean Payton and Rob Ryan. While they're wins haven't been the prettiest, you can see the change taking effect, like a girl that speeds up her speech after just one cup of coffee, they're about to hit stride. They're playing the Cardinals, who've given up more yards in the air than a German beer company's private plane *rimshot*. What scares me is these young boys on that Cardinals D that just flat out make plays. However, that won't deter me from going with logic. - Saints!
...for the Houston Texans, because they're about to go 3-0. Yes, I'm not leaving much to the imagination on this one. Without a Ray Rice, a number of defense and special teams players and they're obvious struggles, I think these Ravens look more like New York pigeons on Sunday. - Texans!
...begrudgingly and with malice, to San Diego. I'm no psychologist, but I'm amateur diagnosing this whole franchise with a bad case of bipolar manic-depression syndrome. So, one coach and a few months go by and all of a sudden a dude with an arm like an al dente spaghetti noodle is suddenly gunslinging like The Duke? And he gets to play a team who's only threat to his defense is a sometimey Jake Locker? Gah! You tell us which end of the polar spectrum you're on, San Diego! Don't you disappoint me this week, either. - Chargers!
Just When I Think I'm Out...
...I still don't believe in Cincy but they keep me from jumping off the ledge. I give them the side eye, they go bananas through the air. I leer at them and they stop teams. I smile and they turn the ball over 5 times. This week, I'm not even looking, except for the occasional cold gaze of a killer. They're playing the most exposive team in the NFL's passing game. I heard Aaron Rodgers was brought in to Quantico in VA on Tuesday over suspicion of terrorism. This is a tough one to call, but I'm going with the home team and that D slowing down A-Rod just enough to take it in a barn burner. - Bengals!
...I realize I should be looking in. Am I crazy, or is it impossible for Pitt to be as bad as they've been in the past two weeks? I know they're missing and rebuilding the line, but the rest of the team is fine. I know they're missing James Harrison and Lamar Woodley looks like a peeled corn husk of himself. I...okay they're bad. Not only that, they're playing a team that has shown it can eek out a victory while playing well. You have to believe the weather breaks for both of these teams real soon. I just don't think it's this week. - Bears!
...I run as fast as I can out the door from Carolina. This week it's toward the beautiful yet trash filled and piss stained concrete city of NY. At least they have some history. All we have in Caro is a whining star QB that acts like he never got his cookies taken in grade school. I'm sure you're expecting me to exalt on Eli Manning for whom I've shown mad love in the past...nope! He has no threat of a run game; expect more turnovers. Which way will he go!? - Giants!
Never Too Much...
...ineptitude in Cleveland. Once again, the mistake by the lake, is making some pretty decent people suffer through another season of football that's not even fun to watch - let alone winning. This could be the biggest mess of my lifetime in the NFL. They're also going with the 3rd string QB too?! At least the Vikes know how to stay the course like those of their namesake following the north star. Sheesh, this one should be fun to watch. - Vikes!
...of that vertical passing attack by the Atlanta Falcons. They should print t-shirts saying, "This is Our Year," because this is the best chance they're going to get. Ooh, I can't wait to see these cats go up against the big corners of Seattle in the playoffs. I get ahead of myself, though. This week they get a surprisingly strong looking Miami squad. They'll be looking to take advantage of the busted backfield of the Falcons and I for one am not betting against them at home after they took it to Indy on the road last week. It's time to start taking this team for real. - Dolphins!
...of those Seahawks! Or maybe I should say Richard Sherman. Ah, the whole team is cool. I love these guys. No doubt they'll be jib flapping like a catfish bottom feeding when the Jags come to town. What I really love about this team is that their young QB is very steady and serious. It will serve him well when faced with the trials and tribulations of each week. If I could, I would get some Seahawks stock! I just need them to beware of the trap. - Seahawks!
Speed Round...
...It's time for someone to start talking about something other than QB's. Geno Smith and EJ Manuel are fine kids and I'm sure will have plenty of time to make their marks in this league. This game is about defense, which NYJ is playing again like a schizophrenic remembering itself. That's the difference in the game. - J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets!
...Indy got surprised last week by the Dolphins and this week they're taking on an SF team that will be pissed off and coming with bad intentions after being embarrassed on national TV last week. I'm not even going to attempt to act like they know what they have coming. Sorry fellas. - Niners!
Monday Night!
Monday night is always my favorite night. It signifies the end of the first working day of the week. In the fall and early winter you have football, a plethora of hoops action and the occasional Monday night slide into bed early because you just need to get right from the weekend. Unfortunately the NFL is trying to ruin my Monday nights because they think they know how to make a schedule! There are at least 5 better games this week! Let me tell you, Goodell, if that's your real name. Denver beating up on Oakland like they stole something from them is not good TV. It'll be interesting for about a quarter and a half, then I'll be on to my DVR or doing anything else. Instead of being excited to the last drop, I'll be filling time. I hope you're happy! - Brocos!And that's all folks! Enjoy your football Sunday, and make sure you take heed to the above when making your picks because it's more solid than a bank vault in a rock inside an island jail!
I'm out like gluten...
