Crabs in a Bucket Spreads to New Communities

What has the world come to? Have we entered the age when we can't trust a house full of random people we don't know to not take pictures of us with their camera phones and sell them to the tabloids? I seriously want to know who the clown was, that sent the picture of Michael Phelps taking bong rips, to the paper.

Honestly, you're some random jack off in South Carolina. What is the coolest thing that has ever happened in South Carolina? I'm going to guess it's a 12 time gold medalist partying with you backwood, english destroying, confederate flag waving, never to have a star party with you again - hicks. Let's at least hope this person won the equivalent of the megamillion lottery for sending this picture in to that London rag. If they didn't, what was the point?

If that person didn't come up, then hating has hit a remarkable and unprecedented professional level. There was a time when haters just hated. They might disparage you behind your back. They might even be so bold as to tell you, to your face, that you were insane or never going to accomplish your goals. Haters going to the press with their hate is too damn much hate!

Then, Kelloggs hates by dropping Phelps. Word?! Kellogg's...Kellogg's...I'm going to think about how to phrase this. Do you realize how consistent it is with your image that your spokesperson is taking bong rips? He is the spokesperson for Frosted Flakes, for crying out loud!! Frosted Flakes are the stoner equivalent of a royal rumble at a 12 year old boy's birthday slumber party - inextricably linked.

Even your website is a high man's heaven. Have you ever taken a look at your top recipes? You boast Double Coated Chicken, Crispix Mix, Chocolate Scotheroos, and Good and Spicy Meatballs, to name a few items. These recipes are considered required literature in the Blaze Academy. How dare you drop him, you haters?

Finally, the biggest haters of all - cable news. Yes, I understand you make it your business to hate, pass judgement, and generally numb the minds of your viewing audience with your incessant coverage of meaningless junk; but you were one of the biggest reasons for all of this outrage. The U.S. Swimming Association and Phelps' sponsors had basically forgiven him for his "transgression." Thanks to your consistent outcries and coverage, we saw the equivalent of what happens in Vegas definitely NOT staying in Vegas - to the tune of millions in sponsorship and time in the pool. This man is a hero so he had to fall, right? Because of you, cable news, every famous person has to live every moment like a saint, lest they want to conjure the wrath of the most worthless entity to hit the media since C-Span 17 or E!

Haters have got to go. It is finally time for the least of us to be banished to obscurity. How can this be done? We pay no attention to them. If you have any realness in your body, you must resist the urge to listen to, agree with, give credence, or any consideration to the black hole that is the hater's abyss of negativity. Join me! Get closer to God by rejecting all bitch ass-ness. Bring back the tides of good will, participation, and congradulations amongst the winners of the world. Remember, you don't have to bring someone down to raise yourself up. If you really think that way, then welcome to the reason you are where you are now. Change your mindstate, not the perception of some else's greatness. Your soul will thank you for it.

Drugs are Bad, Mmmmkay?

I'm in this AdLaw class. In it, we're discussing the legality of direct to consumer advertising (DTCA). DTCA has been legal since 1997, when DTCA laws changed in the U.S. Only the U.S. and two other developed nations share this distinction, if that's what it can be called.

So, if you're wondering whether you're socially inept, impotent, or believe the Jarvik artificial heart guy you're probably a victim of DTCA...or a total fool - take your pick. It's an epidimic that's sweeping the nation and doctor's offices, across this great country. Marketers and companies do some pretty sleazy things, but messing with people's health? That's the bottom line.

It was educationally estimated that $4.2 billion (yes, billion) was spent on DTCA in 2005. 94% of which was focused on everyone's favorite medium, the tv. Is anyone else sick of seeing boner commercials when trying to watch a wholesome episode of Jeopardy with their mothers? I am, and it has to stop. It has to stop like JJ had to stop Michael from joining the Black Panther Party on Good Times. It has to stop like the hearts of those goldfish you bring home from the state fair. It has to stop like George Bush's term in office. In other words, for the good of the nation we must join together as if we were Voltron to bring justice to the meek.

I'm a marketer and I'm usually all for direct communication to consumers, but drug companies are already known to be suspect. We know they pay off doctors to push their medications to their customers. I call it drugola, from the famous payola of the old radio days; although I think this still exists. How else would Soulja' Boy Tell 'Em get on the radio? Come on, "Kiss me Through the Phone"? But I digress. The psychological power and danger that exists with having an overdrugged and hypochondriac nation could be enormous. I remember when the only things we had to worry about as kids was the asthma puffer and lice. Now, kids are popping pills for everything from ADHD to depression - a kid, DEPRESSED!

Can you picture kids needing a boost of legal speed before going outside to play? It's already hard enough to get their fat asses to put down the PS3. Do old men who can't get it up really need to be doing it? I'm making t-shirts that say "Remember Vioxx." If you've forgotten, this is the company that went on an all out marketing blitz of their product in 2000 and 2001. They won advertising and marketing awards for being a "power company." Soon, we found out that tens of thousands suffered severe cardiovascular problems from this drug. The yellow bellied government won't do anything unless the constituents say something - so say something!

To join the fight against this disturbing practice, go to www.stopdrugads.org/learnmore.html.

III HAAAAVE THE POWERRRR!!!

My buddy Roland Burriss. I call him my buddy because he has delusions of grandeur akin to my own. The erection of his own mosileum with a list of his accomplishments says so. Okay, the truth...Roland Burriss is like an oversized beauty mark. His very existence is oxymoronic. Who claims humility while erecting a mosileum of their accomplishments in the same lifetime? Roland Burriss does.



Bank of America sold off $2.83 billion of assets of a Chinese bank, effectively reducing the company's worth by 2.5 percent. This leads me to the question - what is really being done with these TARP funds? The TARP funds are the Carrot Top of all governmental decisions...a walking joke that tells more and more jokes, never going away.

Bleh.

Beware: This Post Can Bring About the 'Itis

There is very little prep work that needs to be done for this video. I think that I need one of those laugh now cry later masks and a mile jog just to watch this ridiculousness.


Watch CBS Videos Online

*Yaaaawwn*

I'm going to go take a nap. And maybe have a good cry.

Sly Like a Savant

In the continuing drama that surrounds Blagojevich, we now have Roland Burris. A man that has been a political opportunits his whole career. He's like any point gaurd that plays for coach Mike D'Antoni. Ask Steve Nash what D'Antoni did for his career.

Despite his strong record of integrity, Burris draws the ire of his own party. Not so much for what he's done in the past, but for his most recent moves. Is it wrong for me to question the intelligence of a man that accepts a nomination from Blago? I mean, he couldn't have thought that his acceptance of this offer would be met with cheers - could he? That's akin to me signing a record deal with a record company formed by the deposed Milli Vanilli "singers." Then, expecting people to believe it's my voice when I pull an Ashley Simpson on SNL.

I'm sick of this whole story, and I'm also pissed. I'm pissed off that these idiots feel it necessary to add more drama to an Obama Administration facing mulitple crises. Finally, I'm apalled at the stupidity and/or smugness of Mr. Burris. His whole attitude with his defiant, "I'm showing up in Washington" rhetoric is sickening. You made your point, alright. It made you destroy a whole career of positive in one word - yes.

I'm pleading with you, Mr. Burris, to stop the madness. Please. Any idea we ever had of you being intelligent are gone. I want to do you like Cartman does Mr. Kitty on South Park. "No Kitty, that's my pot pie"!!

The Real Life Tom and Jerry

Israel and Palestinians are at it again in the Gaza strip. Hamas tore up the the peace treaty like wet tissue paper, and decided to start bombing Israel. Israel pulled their best Mike Tyson ear-bite move and fiercely defended themselves. They have, in the last couple of days, destroyed multiple military compounds run by Hamas.

Wow!

Could this have happened at a better or worse time in history? With the dollar receding against the Euro, ptice drops in oil, and another war going on in the Middle East we're sittitg with baited breath to see how long it takes to effect oil flow.

Jerry (Israel) is the wiley mouse that can befuddle the Muslim World (Tom) next door. I'll tell you what, Tom never got that mouse and damn near killed himself trying. I advise Muslims to leave the Israelites alone. Check out the footage.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/7802851.stm

For Israel, this is a good thing. They have the reasoning to finally get rid of Hamas. Their biggest supporter, the U.S., couldn't be more shocked and awed at what is going on. With a power vacuum sucking the decision making power out of Washington, Obama is lucky he isn't the Prez right now. Bush ain't gonna do s**t. None of this is good news for the U.S. as declines in the dollar and oil shortages loom over the current financial crisis. With all of this in mind, my advice is the same...STAY OUT!

This brings me to my point for this post. When are we (people) going to learn that some folks just can't get along -- Tom and Jerry, Saber-Tooth Tigers and Mastadons, Yankees and Red Sox, and Israelis and Palestinians.

Some might say I'm mean or insensitive, but they should be left to their own devices. You can't interfere with a feud! You end up killing yourself, because no one on the outside of that feud can understand the feud. It will choke you to death. Look at what the Montague and Capulet feud did to Romeo and Juliet...and they were in the middle of it!

Would you try to stop a Saber-Tooth from snacking on Mastadon rump? Hell no! So we need to stay the hell up out of the Israeli-Palestinian feud. They know each other like that cousin you hate, and nothing or anyone on the outside can change the way you feel - neither through force or diplomacy. I'm penning my letter to the Obama administration, tonight, to stay away...far, far away.

NFL Final Week Predictions

After a week hiatus, I'm back with the often wild final NFL regular season week of games. This week promises to be historic. When was the last time we've seen this many teams fighting for playoff berths in the last week? Will the Lions set the new mark for futility in the NFL? This week will be crazier than Rachel Ray and Martha Stewart squabbling over a Christmas rum cake recipe. Let's take a look!

St. Louis v. Atlanta looks to be a downer; St. Louis is out and ATL is in (the playoffs), so what's the motivation? Here's some...aww who am I kidding? The Falcons are so happy they're in the playoffs, they probably have cots set up in Magic City, and will still beat the Rams.

New England v. Buffalo boasts one of the aforementioned whacky playoff scenarios. Can you imagine missing the playoffs with 11 wins? A travesty, I say! It's like working all summer to get the new Jordans. Then, just before you go to buy them, Jordan finds Jesus and claims he's out the shoe game. The price goes up $50 per lace and you're ass out...tragic.

K.C. v. Cincy isn't even as interesting as the third place NIT game. There should be an irrelevancy rule in the NFL. If teams aren't playing for the playoffs or futile history, then there should be something else on the line. For instance, each of the losing team's players should have to enter their two favorite cars in a demolition derby immediately following the game. That way, we get two shows for one!

Detroit v. Green Bay is probably the most interesting game in the slate. Where were you when the first NFL team went 0-16 is gonna ring like "where were you when Obama was elected," or "where were you when James Evans from Good Times died"? Where ever you were, you knew your life would never be the same.

Tennessee v. Indy will be the battle of the backups. With both of these teams locked into their respective playoff spots, there may be little motivation for them to play starters the whole game. I look for Dungy to keep his starters in longer, as the Colts' problems with peaking too early have left many a Colts fan as unsatisfied as your lady when she's feeling especially fine.

NYG v. Minny is another possibly historic game. Ward could become the second thousand yard rusher on the Giants. A feat only accomplished three other times in NFL history. Yet, Minny needs this win, like Pookie from New Jack City needed crack, so I'm not so sure. In the words of the late Rick James, "cocaine is a hell of a drug." I gotta go with the fiend.

Caro v. NO sees more potential history. Man, I feel like I'm in an ESPN episode of "NFL's Greatest Games" right now. Anyway, Brees could become the single season passing record holder if he goes coconuts and passes for over 400 yards. On the other side of the field, Carolina is literally one bad kick and a week long hangover away from being a wild card team. I like Cackalacky to come through like a booty call - ready to beat and be out.

Cleveland v. Pitt. What to say about this game? I guess someone sat on the Pittsburgh Leprachaun last week, as they finally didn't come up with late game heroics to steal one. They won't need the luck of the Irish this week. Things have gotten so bad in the mistake by the lake, that Bruce Gradkowski could be starting today....that's the joke. I can't add to that.

Oakland v. Tampa might be interesting to a few people in Tampa Bay, as they can still make the playoffs with a "W." They just need the Cowboys to lose. The real question is, what going on in Oakland? All of a sudden, they're winning games like crazy! I haven't seen a better comeback since Flavor Flav started dating hoochies on t.v.

Chicago v. Houston sees a Bears team with playoff hopes more faint than the alcohol content of an O'Doul's. You know what they say about bears in a corner, though. They'll come out fighting against the Texans. They'll need some more special teams trickery to make it happen, but the football Gods have a condo in Chicago.

NYJ v. Miami has more drama than an MTV reality series. I want to see still shots of Favre, Pennignton, the Tuna, Mangini, and Sparano - with Alanis Morisette's "Ironic" playing in the background. I want to go with Miami so bad, I can taste Favre's tears. Miami going north in December makes me nervous but I love seeing teams collapse, though. GO PHINS!!!

Dallas v. Philly sits like one of those Philly cheesestakes you can buy off the corner in Philly. It's great going down, but in the end it's gonna stink something awful. Regardless of what team wins, heads will roll on the losing team. In this montage, I want T.O., Romo, and Phillips to have their faces painted on the Ichobod Crain pumpkin. Then, I want the headless horsemen to lift up his visor to show the faces of McNabb, Reid, and of course T.O. again. Then, they joust with "Push it to the limit," from Scarface playing in the background. I hope the Ichobods' heads roll.

Jax v. Baltimore is amazingly a game of little importance. We thought Jacksonville would be in the hunt; we see how that prediction went. Baltimore is surprisingly in a great spot to get into the playoffs. They might not even need to play hard if NE goes down in the early game, but Jacksonville is SO bad that I don't see them winning regardless of the playoff picture.

S.F. v. Washington are teams headed in two completely different directions...sort of like Michael and the rest of the Jackson brothers in the eighties. Anyway, I doubt Singletary's new contract has made him relax any. He's wound tighter than Al Sharpton at a Sarah Palin rally. His boys will play hard.

Seattle v. AZ is only interesting because I want to see if Arizona can stop the free fall. Someone must have clapped their hands on a mountain of freshly fallen snow, then yelled, "AVALAAAANCHE!!!" really loud. Did Kurt Warner age 15 years in one month, or is the release of Benjamin Button making me see things? I'm going with them out of pity.

Denver v. San Diego is my trash talk game of the week. I love it when these guys go back and forth at each other. You know what I always say. If you wanna play well, talk some trash. There's no better motivator than making sure you're not proven a liar. The drama in this one is also palpable, with the looming Hoculi call, Denver being the falling giant in the AFC West, and the playoff berth going to the winner of this game. I usually go with the hot team, so I won't break tradition. It is Christmas week and all...on the other hand, San Diego has stabbed me in the back many weeks. So, screw them. I'm putting my Mile High rally cap on.

Wow, what a week 17. First, a break from work, then Christmas, then this week of football. We are truly blessed. It almost makes me forget about the financial crisis, the war, the freezing cold, and the failing auto industry...wait no it doesn't. But it is a hell of a sedative!

Thanks for another great season.

I'm out like Israeli-Palestinian peace treaties...AGAIN!!